Are today’s women too picky for their own good ??
Are today’s women too picky for their own good?
Women are increasingly searching for a Prince Charming who doesn't exist,
leaving men disillusioned and scared of commitment
Bridget Jones struggles to choose between two men in Bridget Jones's Diary
“Much as I love ‘er indoors, she’s really let
herself go since giving birth. She’s piled on the pounds and doesn’t
give a fig about my, ahem, needs any more. So I made her a deal: shed
the flab – and in return I’ll occasionally watch EastEnders with you.
“Why do British women age so badly? With their bingo wings and mummy
tummies, they all resemble roly-poly menopausals like Dawn French or
Judy Finnigan. Sort it out, ladies!”
Yet these words are a direct parody of a piece written by Tash Bell in Saturday’s Telegraph, called ‘Does your man pass the Kitemark quality test?’, in which she laments the sad demise of her husband's exercise regime.
I’d like to point out I’m not remotely offended by the piece for lambasting and body shaming all “bog standard” British men – I’m mainly relieved that, unlike Tash's hubby Mat, I don't have to hit the rowing machine to enjoy the pleasures of the marital bed.
Nevertheless, Tash’s (admittedly comedic) article is indicative of a seemingly growing modern trend: many women are becoming more critical of their partners – and pickier about their prospective dates – than ever before.
There are two bodies of recent proof that give this theory substantive credence.
Last week, a University of Western Sydney survey of 5,500 singletons aged 21-76 from around the world showed that women are now substantially pickier than men across 20 different categories.
“Deal breakers” for women included laziness, dishevelled appearance (that’s you, Mat), being too needy and, simply, “bad sex”. Men, in contrast, were only pickier about women who talked too much and had a low sex drive.
In a further twist of the knife that reduced men to mere sperm carriers, the study’s leader, Peter K. Jonason concluded, “Women are likely to be more selective about their relationship partners to avoid costly impregnation by low-quality mates”.
Which neatly brings us to our second piece of evidence. A recent American book, Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game concluded that not only is there now a “man deficit” of college-educated men (in America women graduates outnumber men 4/3), but millions of non-college educated men will be considered “unsuitable” by increasingly sniffy women.
I’ve observed this female fastidiousness in real life for some time now in serial singleton girlfriends who hold out for male perfection, only to be sorely disappointed – and increasingly bitter – when it fails to materialise.
A close female friend once told me her ideal partner would be “a 6-foot-plus Swedish architect,” and I thought, “good luck with that – you don’t get many of them in Norwich”.
The practice of women holding out for this sometimes-mythical Prince
has been given a term by social psychologists: hypergamy, the
centuries-old tradition where women “marry-up” the social ladder to
better themselves.
But what happens when there aren’t enough “good men” to go around? Answer: you get millions of single women who refuse to “trade down” – and in the USA, according to Date-onomics, it’s already reaching crisis point.
And as women now typically make up 60 per cent of students in British Universities, you can bet your annual Match.com subscription the same trend will be coming here.
A further problem for picky women is that “good” men who haven’t partnered off realise they are in a seller’s market, so they become commitment-phobic.
Increasingly, many other men who don’t feel they can match up to this fairy-tale perfection don’t bother trying at all. Instead, they watch porn, play video games and retreat to their man caves.
Yet these words are a direct parody of a piece written by Tash Bell in Saturday’s Telegraph, called ‘Does your man pass the Kitemark quality test?’, in which she laments the sad demise of her husband's exercise regime.
I’d like to point out I’m not remotely offended by the piece for lambasting and body shaming all “bog standard” British men – I’m mainly relieved that, unlike Tash's hubby Mat, I don't have to hit the rowing machine to enjoy the pleasures of the marital bed.
Nevertheless, Tash’s (admittedly comedic) article is indicative of a seemingly growing modern trend: many women are becoming more critical of their partners – and pickier about their prospective dates – than ever before.
There are two bodies of recent proof that give this theory substantive credence.
A study revealed that the biggest turn off for women is a dishevelled appearance
Last week, a University of Western Sydney survey of 5,500 singletons aged 21-76 from around the world showed that women are now substantially pickier than men across 20 different categories.
“Deal breakers” for women included laziness, dishevelled appearance (that’s you, Mat), being too needy and, simply, “bad sex”. Men, in contrast, were only pickier about women who talked too much and had a low sex drive.
In a further twist of the knife that reduced men to mere sperm carriers, the study’s leader, Peter K. Jonason concluded, “Women are likely to be more selective about their relationship partners to avoid costly impregnation by low-quality mates”.
Which neatly brings us to our second piece of evidence. A recent American book, Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game concluded that not only is there now a “man deficit” of college-educated men (in America women graduates outnumber men 4/3), but millions of non-college educated men will be considered “unsuitable” by increasingly sniffy women.
I’ve observed this female fastidiousness in real life for some time now in serial singleton girlfriends who hold out for male perfection, only to be sorely disappointed – and increasingly bitter – when it fails to materialise.
A close female friend once told me her ideal partner would be “a 6-foot-plus Swedish architect,” and I thought, “good luck with that – you don’t get many of them in Norwich”.
Sorry, ladies: Prince Charming isn't real
But what happens when there aren’t enough “good men” to go around? Answer: you get millions of single women who refuse to “trade down” – and in the USA, according to Date-onomics, it’s already reaching crisis point.
And as women now typically make up 60 per cent of students in British Universities, you can bet your annual Match.com subscription the same trend will be coming here.
A further problem for picky women is that “good” men who haven’t partnered off realise they are in a seller’s market, so they become commitment-phobic.
Increasingly, many other men who don’t feel they can match up to this fairy-tale perfection don’t bother trying at all. Instead, they watch porn, play video games and retreat to their man caves.
"Many men who don’t feel they can match up to this fairy-tale
perfection don’t bother trying at all. Instead, they watch porn, play
video games and retreat to their man caves."
Martin Daubney
For every Clooney, there's a Clarkson...
For every Sean Bean there’s a Mick Hucknall; for every David
Beckham, a Ricky Gervais; and for every Colin Firth there’s a Darren Day - Tash Bell
When, approaching 40, they decide they’re ready to compromise for somebody who isn’t that FTSE100 CEO after all, they’re surprised that many men aren’t ready to jump at the chance to have kids in the next six months.
An increasing number of men are thinking: “am I Mr Right? Or merely Mr Right Now? If I do settle down, will she trade me in for a better model if one comes along?”
This takes on huge extra gravitas when men look to punitive divorce and family courts and ask themselves: ‘If I do settle down, what happens to the house and kids if she divorces me? After all, almost 70 per cent of UK divorces are now initiated by women.’
The big question is: does this obsession with holding out for Mr Perfect make any of us, and specifically women, happier?
Or will they look back and think “if only I’d have compromised a little more, like men do, might my life have been more fulfilling?”
As our biological clocks tick away, it’s a question some British women might choose to ask themselves with a matter of some urgency.
*********************************************************************************
Here is a potential problem
kitemark your man
Essential tests of quality for the ideal male
How he looks
- Wardrobe must be updated every 12 months (through choice, not reasons of expanding waistline).
- Regular exercise must be undertaken, as evidenced by pedometer count, fitness diary or chafing burns/elasticated sock marks. (Number of times he exercises each week must exceed number of times he offers to “share” bottle of wine with partner.)
- Must be able to demonstrate one hobby that can’t be performed while eating pizza.
- May be able to pinch more than an inch, but not grasp and fold.
- Must be able to fit in the same jeans he owned when 18, but choose not to.
- Can he pass the Floss Test? (When handed a piece of dental tape, does he hand it back, saying: “I can’t sew”?)
- Hairstyle to be reviewed every two years. For intervening period, hair can only be styled at a place that doesn’t have a red-and-white striped pole outside it/hair-related pun in title.
- Hair must be washed with shampoo (not splinter of soap).
- Nails must be clipped, and nose hair trimmed regularly.
- Eyebrows should be trimmed, not plucked; his teeth brushed, not bleached.
Liz Hurley transformed her former partner Shane Warne
Manners maketh the man
- Teeth must not be picked at dinner table, especially if using yesterday’s train ticket.
- Belching must be disguised as cough and/or intense expression of interest in partner’s conversation.
Out and about
- At no time should the area of visible body hair be greater than the area covered by clothes (hirsute must not be greater than his suit).
- Shirt must be changed before any sweat/food/wine stains grow enough to constitute a “pattern”.
A note of caution. You don’t want
your bloke to start looking too weird, or worse, too wonderful. (See Liz
Hurley, who facilitated Shane Warne’s transition from overweight slob
to metro-sexual love god. Then they split.)
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